Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
