What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
