this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
