So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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