we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
