I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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