you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
