eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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