I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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