Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
