Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
