I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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