that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
