they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
