is your mom at the bar?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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