i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
