i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
