she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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