He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina is very pro this idea
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
