Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
