Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My bed is full of blood and feathers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
