just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
