literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
