I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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