new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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