So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
