Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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