Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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