She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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