Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."

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(714): View more from California

found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.

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(334): View more from Alabama

A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.

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(248): View more from Michigan

No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.

(1248): View more from

That'll put some boobs in that bra.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.

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(904): View more from Florida

As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.

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(425): View more from Washington

I made a half way decent playlist

(425): View more from Washington

Im gonna call it "hanging myself"

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(310): View more from California

I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga

(1-310): View more from California

Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous

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