If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
