he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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