2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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