you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
