my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
