btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
