I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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