I am in a vortex of obligation.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
