you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
