i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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