I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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