So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
