Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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