We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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