Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
