Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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