So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I touched a dick in church today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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