They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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