did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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