if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
